Wow. I didn’t know cleaning out a closet would hit me SO HARD!!
I have started packing in preparation of our move. My Dad has been volunteering at the LDS Cannery in Guilder and has been saving boxes and bringing them by the truckful to me. I figure I might as well start sorting through things in my house while there is no pressure, so I can take my time deciding what to keep and what to send to D.I. (or possibly garage sale).
Yesterday I packed some books.
Today I began working in our extra bedroom where I’ve been storing a lot of Buttercup’s youthful memorabilia. For some reason I saved ALL her dresses. Almost every (church) dress from newborn till age 6 or 7. I originally saved them in hopes that she’d have a little sister to pass them down to. Then when that didn’t happen, I saved them out of nostalgia. Then I thought, well maybe when she grows up she’ll want the dresses for her own baby girl.
But now we’re moving. I don’t know where we’ll be living once we get to New Florin. I don’t know how big our house will be, how much closet room we’ll have. I have to stop and make a decision: do I carry these dresses around with me for another 10 years? Is it really practical?
As I was going through each dress, remembering how beautiful Buttercup looked in each and every one it struck me (again) how quickly time passed. Wasn’t it just yesterday that I was her whole world and she was mine? Well, she is still my world, but I’ve certainly lost my top spot in hers. She’s so busy with school and work and planning for her future that sometimes I wonder if she even thinks of me at all. (Although, I like to think I’m still in her top 5… )
After I went through each dress --and only kept about 5-- with tears flowing down my face, I dug deeper into the closet.
That’s where I found her little pink elephant wind-up musical plush toy that we got when she was my newborn baby. The song it plays is When You Wish Upon A Star. That was chosen because she was my first miracle baby. Because I wanted her so badly. Because having her was a wish come true.
Of course I’m keeping that!
Underneath her elephant, I found her TWO woobies (blankies). Yes, my daughter had TWO! And she loved them so much. She slept with BOTH of them till she was 8 or 9.
Of course I kept those.
I found the pink ceramic teddy bear that held the flowers that my parents gave me while I was in the hospital after she was born. I found her Achievement Days Banners and book. I found her Girl’s Camp Manual.
I found her childhood. And it made me miss her.
And it made me cry.
(You can see her two woobies wrapped around her in this picture above ^)