Faith..... it's a tricky thing.
Especially for me.
I don't have problems having faith in everything. It's easy for me to:
- Have Faith in God. I don't doubt for a second that He exists and that He loves me.
- I don't doubt for a second that Jesus Christ is the Savior of our World and that he died for me.
- I believe in the Book of Mormon with all my heart and love the stories and doctrines that I can learn from it!
- I KNOW that there is a prophet on the earth today.
- I have faith in Priesthood Power. I know that that power is on this earth to help give us comfort, healing, guidance as well as the sealing power to bind families to live together throughout eternity.
Faith in all this is so easy.
I struggle with a more personal faith.
I like control. I like knowing how things are going to turn out. I like knowing what I'm supposed to do, doing it and knowing what the outcome will be.
I don't do abstract. I don't like having a bevvy of choices made available to me and having to pick one and hope that it's the right one. I struggle with knowing the difference between my voice and the voice of the Holy Ghost.
Our family is facing some difficult choices. Choices that have the potential to be life changing. I'm struggling with knowing how to make those choices... how to distance myself from the "natural man" and becoming more spiritually minded to know -without a doubt- what Heavenly Father wants us to do.
Maybe faith isn't what I struggle with... maybe it's perspective. Our decision can become so much easier if I can just see what's up that road and around that corner!! I don't need to see everything, just a hint -or a shadow- of what will be. All I need is a hint of which direction that corner turns.
Max isn't struggling at all. I'm sure he's sick of hearing me talking about it. A few days ago, as I was obsessing and panicking, he said to me, "Valerie, you need to stop worrying. I know there is a miracle waiting for us." It's so easy for him.
And, actually, I can already see the Lord's hand making some choices more available for us. I can see how He's clearing the way and making it easier (physically) for us. I just need more faith in knowing that everything will be all right and that He will be there to help us when we need it...
Because we are going to need it.