"Women of God can never be like women of the world. The world has enough women who are tough; we need women who are tender. There are enough women who are coarse; we need women who are kind... We have enough women of fame and fortune; we need more women of faith." -- Margaret D. Nadauld

Wednesday, October 28, 2009


I don't have anything of substance to write about right now. Well, I've got lots of little things running around in my brain, but every time I sit down at the computer to write about them, they leak out of my ears and I can't find them until a couple hours later when I'm sitting in the check-out of Walmart or driving up the highway.

I got this email from a friend. I thought it was mildly humorous. Since most of my readers are LDS women, I thought you'd enjoy a little levity today as well.

Articles of Faith on Mormon Culture

1. We believe in SUVs and Minivans as the form of transportation; and in knee length shorts, which are always nice; and in multi-level marketing.

2. We believe that church ball players should be punished for their own fouls, and not for unsportsmanlike aggression.

3. We believe that through bread crumbs, cheese, creamy soups, and rice, call casseroles can be saved through obedience to ward cookbooks and creativity in the mixing bowl.

4. We believe that the first layers and ingredients of the Dip are: first, beans; second, cheese;
third, chopped tomatoes; fourth, the gift of sour cream; fifth, olives, sixth, salsa; seventh, guacamole, that is... if you have it.

5. We believe that a Mormon should have a distinguished or a cute name, that it is appropriate to name a child after a church leader or a historical figure including an ancestor, that alternative spellings and French prefixes only add to a name, and that when referring to the names of General Authorities, middle initials should be a part thereof.

6. We believe in the same wall decor that exists in many Mormon homes. Namely, framed family proclamations, vinyl lettering, inspirational word signs, family photos, pictures of temples and Jesus, and so forth.

7. We believe in the gift of the re-gift; church books; crafts; family photos; baked goods; emergency supply kits; and so forth.

8. We believe in sparkling grape juice so long as it is nonalcoholic; we also believe in bringing root beer and sprite to ward parties.

9. We believe in all that we have scrap booked, all that we will now scrapbook, and we believe that we will yet scrapbook many great and important things pertaining to our family, friends, pets, and vacations.

10. We believe in the literal mixing of ketchup and mayo and in the generous application of ranch dressing; that CBA's (church based acronyms) will be used to describe YM/YW, PEC, The Y, NCMO, and CTR; that Mitt Romney will get Mormons to vote for him any time he runs; and that the Mormons will enjoy reading Twilight and The Work and the Glory.

11. We claim the privilege of trying to identify common acquaintances with any visitor at church, and allow all other people at church the same privilege. Let them name drop the names of the famous and general authorities, how, where, or wherever they may.

12. We believe in being subject to scoutmasters, pampered chef hostesses and the writers of the U.S. News and World Report Rankings for professional schools, and in obeying, honoring and sustaining Glenn Beck.

13. We believe in being above average, good at crafts, optimistic, and in being ten to fifteen minutes late everywhere we go. Indeed we may say that we follow BYU football. We believe rumors about famous people joining the church, we hope to meet the three Nephites, we have endured many pyramid schemes, and hope to be able to endure all pyramid schemes. If there is anything cheap, free, sold in bulk, or given away when somebody is moving, we seek after these things.


Sarah Miller said...

That was pretty amusing. Why is it that we can make fun of our own religion and find it humorous? Dunno, but it provides for some good entertainment!

Yvonne said...

That is too cute. Thanks for the good laugh.

sarah joelle said...

i love everything about this.

thorkgal said...

Oh My, where did you find this? Or, did you just make this up in your spare time? I do belong to a cult. AH!